You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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