I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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