eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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