well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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