I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
