I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
There's even glitter on my cock...
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