I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Welp...herpes.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
