She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
