i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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