We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
