You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
