His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
