I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
