Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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