well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
