when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
