we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i drank out of a bidet.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
