Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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