Can i not drive my cunt home
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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