Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
