I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
