I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
