what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
