what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
