Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize