I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
