took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
