He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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