I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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