dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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