I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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