It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
