You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
being pregnant is like rehab
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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