this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
