why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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