I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
