? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
