someone threw a dead crab at me
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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