She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize