She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
high people should be assigned attendants
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
