she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
