Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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