she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
