meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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