My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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