She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
