Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
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