sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
