I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you would pick up someone in the library
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
