can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
