I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
