and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
