Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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