Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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