I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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