idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
