Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
