Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up under a house in Key West
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