My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
