I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
