so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize