I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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