i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
