I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
