I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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