I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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